Dear Journal,
I’m
at a point in my life where I really need to make a decision whether or not I
should continue on with school. I can’t
believe that I finally fricking finished the G.E. requirements to get my A.A. degree
last year. I need to petition for
graduation this semester. I wished that
I finished the requirements a lot sooner.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others but I can’t help it because
I see all these people transferring to other schools after a few years in
community college. Sigh… I wished people
around me would be more understanding about what I’m going through, but they’re
not because most people around me don’t understand or don’t know what the hell
I’m going through right now. One of my
close friends made a good point and said that if I spent this much time in
community college, it might take me just as long at State University or longer. Not to mention, I still need to get my Master’s
degree if I still want to pursue speech therapy. I don’t know what to do because I really,
really, really want to be start my career.
However, I need to be realistic because I need to make sure that I pass
all my classes at State University and don’t drop or withdraw anymore classes (
if I decide to transfer). My friend told
me that if I do pursue more education that I really need to focus on my classes
and not get stressed out when all the work starts getting harder, plus she also
said that I shouldn’t drop or withdraw anymore at State because there’s this
new rule where you can’t take that course a certain amount of times. Plus, I would also need to get the dean and
professors to sign this petition to let me take that course again and I would
need to take a lot of upper division G.E. courses at State. Omg, what am I going to do? I also thought of studying art therapy if I
don’t get into the Master’s program at State but art therapy also requires a
master’s degree and that I would have to go to a private school because not a
lot of schools offer art therapy. God, I
feel so stuck and frustrated that I can’t progress in school at the rate I want
to. Sometimes, I really do feel like
that God has other plans for me because I’ve been struggling with a lot of
classes at community college and had to repeat them so many times just to get a
decent passing grade. I wished that God
could talk to me right now and tell me what the heck am I’m supposed to do in
this lifetime? I dunno….maybe I’m being ridiculous
by thinking that God has better plans for me, instead of staying in school for
this long? I really wished that God
would give me a big obvious sign/clue that better things are ahead of me and
that I shouldn’t worry so much and let God take over. Sigh, I need to be realistic about my life
because my health is a very important priority in my life. I totally need to stop stressing out so much
about my life and just relax. Let’s face
it Anita, I’m not “normal” like the other college students. Other college students are not facing my
health issues and don’t know what’s it’s like to be me. When I finally do make a decision about
school, I need to remind myself that I fought many battles to get to where I am
today. I should be proud of myself and enjoy
the fact that I put up one hell of a fight with school to get to where I am
today. I can’t believe that I spent this
whole time in school, while others already got their Bachelor’s and Master’s
degree. A lot of people told me that
getting that Bachelor’s degree or Master’s degree is not what I think it might
turn out to be. For some people that
might mean a useless piece of paper, plus needing to pay back to student loans. Actually, many people nowadays can’t find
jobs related to their degree they majored in school. Or find a job that they
hoped that they would make for their annual salary after all that hard work and
years in school. Sigh, I should really
do something that I’m passionate about, the problem is that I’m still not sure
what I’m good at. Anyways, sometimes I
wonder if that saying that if I just do what I love that the money will really
do follow me? To Be Continued...
XOXO,
Anita Yan
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