I only have 262 days to go before January 1st, 2017!!!

Which means that I only have 270 Days To Go Before My Next Birthday!!!  321 days before March. 1st, 2017!!!  I was talking to my friend Sara about some of my goals for 2016 and one of them happens to be to first lose 20 pounds and see how that goes for the year 2016.  I surprised Sara and myself when I found out that I already lost 13 pounds within the first month of the 90 day challenge!!!  I am so happy and glad that I already lost that much weight in the month of March 2016. The ironic part is that I didn’t really do any exercise for the 90 day challenge, I just did the diet part of this challenge.  LOL..Sara said that I should call this the 90 day diet since I’ve haven’t done the exercise part as part of the challenge.  I need to start exercising though since this week is considered week 6 of the 90 day challenge.  I’m proud of myself because I seriously didn’t think I would survive doing this diet within the first week of the 90 day challenge.  I seriously thought that I would give up after 3 days tops.  Who would’ve thought that I’m on week 7, Day 44 of the 90 day challenge and still going strong?  Especially since I don’t have much options on this diet.  Actually this meal plan is pretty repetitive eating the same stuff over and over every other day.  I try to switch it up now and then in order to keep it interesting.  A few of my friends have already asked me what am I going to do after the 90 day challenge is over?  I told them that I still don’t know yet especially since I’m not even not finished with the challenge.  Everybody thinks that I should continue on this diet or have a cheat day at least one to two days a week.  I need to push myself a lot harder to actually exercise everyday.  I need to remind myself that if I’m going to “suffer” going on this diet then I should also incorporate exercise that way I could see results faster!!!  Technically, I’m already more than halfway reaching my 20 pounds goal.  But I figured if I’m already losing weight and on this diet, then I might as well exercise too and try to lose more weight this year.  However, I need to keep my eye on the gold this year and don’t get easily discouraged, unmotivated, impatient, etc. because I’m not getting the results in time.  I’ve been repeating the same cycle for a long time now and I don’t want to waste anymore time doing that.  I guess that saying that “dieting is a lonely journey” is true.   Today, I went on the scale and it says that I lost 15.8 pounds!!! Yay, I’m almost at the 20 pound mark!!!  Now, that I’m eating healthier for the past 44 days, I gotta include some kind of exercise and do it everyday inorder to see results faster.  I really really need to remind and motivate myself everyday why I’m doing this.  

MAYBE...it's time to let go?!!!

OMG…it’s kinda embarrassing to read a lot of my old journal entries on this blog.  Hehe…especially the part where I keep repeating myself about my problems over the years.  Like damn…I really got it BAD if I keep repeating about my secret crush and how I keep wussing out about asking him out.  Sigh, I dunno what I’m going to do about myself.  After reading many of my old journal entries on this blog, I realize that only I can control my own HAPPINESS and that no one can do it for me except me.  I mean I’m sure there’s some exceptions like God has certain plans for you and that you will need to go through some trials and obstacles inorder to grow and mature from that event/experience.  Or that there’s some things that nobody can escape especially if it’s it your fate/ destiny.  Omg, why am I still not over him by now?!!! I dunno…seems like this “crush” is starting to turn into an obsession.  There are many reasons why I’m scared to go ask him out like number # 1 he will most likely reject me, number # 2 he might turn out to be a douchebag and say shitty things to my face and hurt my feelings and hurt me sooo bad that I might never want to go out with anyone(?), number # 3 what if he does say yes and it turns out we are not compatiable at all?, etc.  But seriously though Anita  what if my secret crush does say yes, and it turns out that we’re really compatiable and have more things in common than you thought we would?  I dunno…anything is possible but I highly doubt it will work out coz of what other people keep telling me.  Even I doubt it will work out coz we’re like complete opposites.  I mean, if he was interested in me wouldn’t he have tried talking to me by now?  At least be Facebook friends or something?  I mean omg, how come after all these years since high school I never once seen him, run into him in public?  Sigh, I dunno why the universe never let our lives collide since high school?  Okay, I can complain and whine all I want why our lives never run into each other or I can actually take action and DO something about it?  I don’t want to be the girl that always wondered about the what if’s scenerios and if only I did this and that, etc., etc. etc.
Omg…I wish I didn’t have so many problems in my life.  I wish that I was thin already coz that would help boost my self-esteem and confidence a lot to ask him out a loooooong time ago.  Maybe…I should forget about him coz if he really did liked me he would’ve asked me out a looong time ago.  He probably doesn’t like me coz I’m too fat and not attractive at all.  Which is a major problem that’s been in my subconscious ever since the beginning.  Omg, I should’ve talked to him when I was considered “thin” back in Freshmen and beginning of Sophomore year of high school.  Grr…I wish the timing the right back then but it wasn’t which was a major problem.
    Okay, Anita listen to yourself.  YOU SOUND RIDICULIOUS, PATHETIC, DESPARATE, A HOPELESS SAD CASE, AND NOT TO MENTION OBCESSIVE LOSER!!!  It’s been years since you last saw him, if you really wanted to ask him out you would’ve asked him out a loooooooong time ago.  Like damn…how many times must we hear you constantly writing about him.  TAKE ACTION, DON’T SIT AROUND AND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF…YOU’VE ALREADY WASTED A LARGE PORTION OF YOUR YOUTH DOING THAT AND THAT’S OBVIOUSLY NOT GETTING YOU ANYWHERE!!!  YES, I KNOW IT’S PARTIALLY NOT ALL YOUR FAULT AND THAT YOU HAVE GOOD MEDICAL REASONS WHY YOU NEVER ASKED HIM OUT BUT NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE ACTION AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!  I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU KEEP PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID THAT PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU ONCE THEY FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH PROBLEMS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, IT’S TIME TO LET PEOPLE INTO YOUR LIFE AGAIN.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO LET THEM KNOW ABOUT YOUR HEALTH ISSUES BUT AT LEAST START LIVING YOUR LIFE.  LET’S SAY THAT YOU HYPOTPATHETICALLY LOSE A SIGNIGICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT THIS YEAR AND YOU DID ASK HIM OUT BUT HE GENTLY REJECTED YOU, THEN WHAT?   IT’S EITHER NOW OR NEVER THAT YOU GET OVER HIM BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.  DON’T YOU SEE ANITA? IF HE WAS EVEN INTERESTED IN YOU HE WOULD’VE TALKED TO YOU BY NOW!  I KNOW ANITA, THERE’S A PART OF YOU THAT REALLY WISHED THAT HE IS YOUR SECRET ADMIRER THAT HAS BEEN CALLING YOU ALL THESE YEARS BUT COME ON NOW LET’S BE REAL HERE! LIKE WHAT SARA HAS SAID THIS IS GETTING NOWHERE IF NOBODY REVEAL THEMSELVES TO EACH AND CONFESS HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER!!!  I DUNNO ANITA…MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIND SOMEONE ELSE THAT IS SERIOUS ABOUT YOU AND ACTUALLY WANT TO MARRY YOU?  LOOK ANITA, I THINK YOU SHOULD LOSE A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF WEIGHT FIRST, WORK ON YOUR CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM WHILE YOU’RE AT THAT, AND ALSO WORK ON YOUR HOBBIES AND INTERESTS.  ONCE YOU WORK ON ALL OF THESE DIFFERENT SECTIONS OF YOUR LIFE THEN YOU SHOULD FINALLY ASK HIM OUT.  THAT WAY YOU WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED AND HEART-BROKEN IF HE REJECTS YOU OR BREAKS UP WITH YOU IF YOU EVER GET THE CHANCE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.  YOU WILL REALIZE THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT AND THAT THERE’S PLENTLY OF FISH IN THE SEA.