FML…

I hate how everything is going in my life right now.  I was shocked when I heard the news after what I heard about how City College of San Francisco lost its accreditation and that the school can still appeal before these next two semesters.  I’m hoping and praying that CCSF does not shut down.  I’m super stressed out about this because all my blood, sweat, and time is all in that school. I’m having all these thoughts like will my credits still be good after spring 2014 and still be able to transfer to somewhere else?  Or will I need to start over again at another school? 

Sigh, I’m also thinking like after all these years in school, am I studying the wrong courses?  I mean, could it be possible that after all these years in school that I’m on the wrong path in life?  I know, what wrong timing to suddenly have these thoughts about doubting my path in life.  Sigh, I’m sooooo f***ing tired of me always changing my mind and doubting myself about my major.  It’s no wonder that I’m always in this stupid f***ing limbo in my life.  God, I lost so much time and my life debating over this stupid shit.  Maybe my sister is right, just f***ing pick something and go with it.  Easier said than done, since I have these illnesses to deal with I have been struggling with school.  I have been trying to pick a major that won’t affect my health too much and is not as stressful as other majors would.  However, I’ve been trying to find a major that I’m interested in and is passionate about that subject.  I’m coming to a realization that I need spend more picking out careers that I’m really interested in, passionate about, or at least good at.  I shouldn’t worry about finding a job in the end or making a lot money because if I hate the career than it’s useless.  I want to be happy in whatever career that I decide to be. 

Omg, could this be a sign from the Universe?  That what I’ve been doing all these years in school is the wrong path?  I mean, it does explain some things like why I’m not really motivated in my classes.  I’m not passionate about the majors that I thought I would be interested in and I’ve been struggling with a lot of my classes.  God, I wish I knew the answers to my ongoing limbo problems.  I mean, what could my career possibly be that I’ve been having a hard time finding that major in school?  Sigh, I definitely need to stop looking at the salaries and really need to look at what I’m interested in and see if I’m good at it.

But for now, I need to really, really, really past this English class in order to get my AA degree.  The other remaining 3 classes that I need to transfer to State I still have time to decide if I still want to go to State.  Okay, after this summer session is over, I’m going to definitely need to relax and go have fun at Disneyland in August.  But for now just go focus on passing this English class.  Try to not stress out about my major and what I’m going to do with my life.  Think about my major/career after this summer session is over.