Random Thoughts On My Secret Admirer....

I still find it hard to believe that I still have a secret admirer.  I'm really starting to think that my secret admirer really did went to my school because he has been calling me since high school.  I still want to know how did he get my number back in high school?  He must've went to extreme lengths just to get my number because I still can't figure out who this mysterious caller is?  My guess is that someone gave him my number or that he must've found it online somehow?  I think it's most likely someone giving him that number because I don't think the internet had anything that could help you find people's numbers back then. 
Anyways, I remember one of my old friends said this joke to me that my mysterious caller could be my potential lover!  Even though my friend was joking around about that, I'm really starting to believe that this secret admirer won't give up on me?  I wonder why won't this secret admirer won't reveal himself whenever I answer the phone?  He would always not leave a message and just let me hear the background noise.  Like come on now, it's been years since we last went to school with each other and he still won't still reveal himself to me.
I'm surprised that my secret admirer haven't sent me a love letter back in school or mailed it to me.  I mean, that would probably make sense to write a love letter to someone that you like.  (I don't know why he hasn't done that yet since he probably knows where I live.  I'm pretty sure he knows where I live because I'm guessing that he's that one that sent me the DMV application form.  I told my friend about someone sending me a DMV application form and she thought that was hilarious!)  This secret admirer probably doesn't want to write me a love letter because it's so old-fashioned and nobody does that anymore.  But I don't mind, I think it takes a real man to write love letter(s) to someone that they secretly admire.  I mean, he got nothing to lose because I'm not going to show it to anyone the love letter(s) if he sends it to my house.  Sometimes, I wonder if this secret admirer has written me love letters before but never had the courage to send it to me? 
I don't know why he won't even text me since he already got my number and tell me who he is already?  If this secret admirer actual writes and sends me a love letter, I can guarantee him that I will go on a date with him.  Let's see if the Universe will send this message to this secret admirer that's been calling me since high school. 

Sigh...what am I going to do?!!!

Okay, I know it hasn't been years since I last saw him.  Typo on the last journal entry.  Technically, I saw him again this year on Admin Assistant's Day at the Balboa Bart Station. Was it a coincidence that I saw him on that day?  I don't know it didn't feel like a coincidence though because I was actually following my intuition for once and that lead me to seeing him again.  I'm pretty sure that was him though, gosh he looks like he never ages though....it almost felt like I was going back in the past.  Yeah, I know he looks that young!  Sigh, I wish I had the courage to go talk to him that day.  But I didn't I just chickened out and watched him in disbelief  as he walked away.  I feel so sad that I didn't get to go talk to him.  I just couldn't go up to him and talk to him because of multiple of reasons.  Besides, the fact that I have multiple health problems, self-conscious about how I look, insecurity issues especially since he is a really, really, really good looking guy and that there's a very high possibility that he could be a player.  Oh god, I'm always thinking of the worse case scenerios if I ever get the chance to talk to him.  My sister and childhood friend says that I should NOT go for it and that I will get hurt in the end if I try to talk to him.  Which is why I never talk about him around them or around my other friends.  Everybody says that I should give up the idea of talking to him because of my weight issues.  I know I shouldn't let my weight stop me from living my life, but it's hard especially if you knew what I was going through.  Grrr.....I know, I know I need to stop this long term crush on him because it's getting me nowhere.  I either got to make my move or move on with my life.  It's just that I don't understand why I still have a crush on him after all these years???  OMG....this is so sad, especially since I really don't know anything about him.  Personally, I don't understand why is he still single which I found out looking at his facebook.  I try to not look on his facebook profile because I fear that I might I might get hurt if I keep looking at his profile too often.  I don't want to get hurt when he finally finds someone and settles down with that lucky girl.  Which I'm still wondering why hasn't he found someone by now?  Guys like him shouldn't have a tough time finding a girlfriend though?  In fact, I thought he would get married by now or engaged or something, you know what I mean?  I'm so weird, even though I have a crush on him, I still want him to be happy in his life with someone that he likes/loves dearly.  Who knows?  Maybe I do have a chance with him but don't know when, where, how it's going to happen?:  I know, I know I'm dreaming too hard about this but hey what can I say a girl gotta dream.  My mind keeps telling me to give it up already, but my heart keeps telling me to don't give up the dream!  Sigh, I wish I could fast forward in my life and be in a happy moment right now.  I wish I knew who I'm going to get married to in this lifetime.