Sigh...what am I going to do?!!!

Okay, I know it hasn't been years since I last saw him.  Typo on the last journal entry.  Technically, I saw him again this year on Admin Assistant's Day at the Balboa Bart Station. Was it a coincidence that I saw him on that day?  I don't know it didn't feel like a coincidence though because I was actually following my intuition for once and that lead me to seeing him again.  I'm pretty sure that was him though, gosh he looks like he never ages though....it almost felt like I was going back in the past.  Yeah, I know he looks that young!  Sigh, I wish I had the courage to go talk to him that day.  But I didn't I just chickened out and watched him in disbelief  as he walked away.  I feel so sad that I didn't get to go talk to him.  I just couldn't go up to him and talk to him because of multiple of reasons.  Besides, the fact that I have multiple health problems, self-conscious about how I look, insecurity issues especially since he is a really, really, really good looking guy and that there's a very high possibility that he could be a player.  Oh god, I'm always thinking of the worse case scenerios if I ever get the chance to talk to him.  My sister and childhood friend says that I should NOT go for it and that I will get hurt in the end if I try to talk to him.  Which is why I never talk about him around them or around my other friends.  Everybody says that I should give up the idea of talking to him because of my weight issues.  I know I shouldn't let my weight stop me from living my life, but it's hard especially if you knew what I was going through.  Grrr.....I know, I know I need to stop this long term crush on him because it's getting me nowhere.  I either got to make my move or move on with my life.  It's just that I don't understand why I still have a crush on him after all these years???  OMG....this is so sad, especially since I really don't know anything about him.  Personally, I don't understand why is he still single which I found out looking at his facebook.  I try to not look on his facebook profile because I fear that I might I might get hurt if I keep looking at his profile too often.  I don't want to get hurt when he finally finds someone and settles down with that lucky girl.  Which I'm still wondering why hasn't he found someone by now?  Guys like him shouldn't have a tough time finding a girlfriend though?  In fact, I thought he would get married by now or engaged or something, you know what I mean?  I'm so weird, even though I have a crush on him, I still want him to be happy in his life with someone that he likes/loves dearly.  Who knows?  Maybe I do have a chance with him but don't know when, where, how it's going to happen?:  I know, I know I'm dreaming too hard about this but hey what can I say a girl gotta dream.  My mind keeps telling me to give it up already, but my heart keeps telling me to don't give up the dream!  Sigh, I wish I could fast forward in my life and be in a happy moment right now.  I wish I knew who I'm going to get married to in this lifetime.