Ever had those moments in life where nothing is going your way?

  Yeah, I’ve been feeling like that for quite a while now, many times I feel like I keep running into a brick wall no matter how hard I try to get around it.  Despite all these problems I’m having in my life, something inside of me is telling me that things will get better and who knows maybe it will all turn around for the better?

   Sometimes, I wonder after reading some of my old journal entries whether they’re from this site or my actual diary that I’m in denial about everything of how my life is and how much I wished it was something else….something a lot better than the life I’m living right now.  Especially when I see old friends/classmates for a get together I always feel that my life has been put on hold or pause for a very looooooooooooong time while I talk to my friends/ classmates and see them progressing in life.  I mean, I see a lot of people I use to go to school either getting engaged, married, pregnant, buying a house, making $$$ at a career that they are either good at or enjoy doing.  I know, I shouldn’t compare myself to others but I can’t help it because I don’t even have the basics down.  I definitely need to get my “shit” together if I want to progress in life.  Sigh, but I have to go back to reality and face the facts….I am sick.  People that I talk to now and then don’t even know the truth about me, it just upsets me that I can’t openly tell people that I’m sick and that’s the real reason why I’m struggling in school and in everything else in life.  People that used to go to school with me are usually surprised that I’m still in school because we used to hang out in the same circle of friends.  I mean, for God’s sake one of my old friends when I last hanged out with her was back in elementary school and saw her facebook where it states she’s graduated from med school not that long ago.  I can’t believe she already graduated from med school, I remember that she said she wanted to become a pediatrician when she grows up.  I can’t believe she followed through on her childhood dreams and actually became a pediatrician.  I mean, I already knew that she was hella hella hella smart for her age but damn, where did the time go?  I think she’s the only person from childhood that followed her dreams.  I’m proud that she followed her dreams and that I hanged out with her back in elementary school.  Well, she also had advantages than other people like….me.  My friend grew up in a loving family that didn’t abuse her but instead nurture her to reach her full potential.  Her parents invest their time and money in her by taking her to dance classes, piano lessons, had tutors, I think my friend also did some more extracurricular activities in school too.  Even though she’s also ABC like me and we used to live in the same neighborhood, I eventually realized during that time that she’s different from me in so many other ways.  Sometimes I think maybe my friend has a good life because she’s Christian?  I don’t know if I’m overgeneralizing Christians especially Chinese Christians or maybe it’s just a coincidence that I met a friend like her during elementary school?  I mean, I have met other ABC Christians but they are nowhere as close as my friend in academics, talent, and personality wise.  I dunno…sometimes I wonder if my life would be any different if I become a devoted Christian?