As I’m
writing in this journal entry, I’m having mild chest pains. I don’t know why but these last few days my
heart has been hurting me. Omg, I hope
my heart is not going to have problems or even worse I die all of a sudden due
to my heart. I had a friend that passed
away in his sleep due to heart problems which was really random because he
doesn’t even have any heart problems. To
be honest, I’m really surprised that he passed away first in our group of
friends. I really thought that I was
going to die first by the way I was eating and having a sedentary
lifestyle. Man, I was so upset when I
found out that my friend passed away that I said to my friend that it’s not
fair, he’s too young to pass away, if anything I should’ve been that passed
away first before my friend. I mean, my
friend that passed away in his sleep he had a lot going on for him. He had only one year left in college before
he could graduate, he has a large group of friends, big family, and was
actually happy in life when he moved back to his motherland with his mom and
sister. I know that he passed away as a
happy man who lived life to the fullest and had no regrets in life. To be honest, when I first found out how he
passed away, I had a tough time falling asleep worried that I might next. Omg, I think this coming July is exactly 3 years
ago since he passed away. Man, I can’t
believe it’s been that long ago since he passed away. I miss him, R.I.P. buddy we’ll always
remember the good times we had with you.
My friend was so full of life, charisma, and that life treated him well.
Omg, it’s almost
been three years since he passed away and that I still haven’t progressed in
life. Especially in losing the weight, I thought I learned my lesson after I found
out about my friend’s death. I have to
be serious about losing the weight this year because of the other health
problems that my weight is causing me to develop. I really need to lose the weight especially
in the midsection of my body because for some reason that’s where most of my
fat is stored. So far, I lost like 14 pounds this semester, and I have to keep
on losing more so that I can reverse of my health problems caused by my
weight. I really think I’m carrying a
lot of emotional baggage from my past which is why all this excess weight won’t
go away. I really need to re-read that
book about carrying the excess weight due to the emotional pain from my
past.
I have a
lot of self- reflecting about my life. I’m
starting to think maybe the universe is really trying to tell me
something. Like maybe the universe won’t
let me “progress” in life until I figure out something. However, I really don’t know what the
universe wants me to figure out though, maybe change my major, lose the weight
first, write my novel, reflect on the emotional pains from my past and release
them, figure out what I really want out of life, etc. Or maybe all of the above and more. Whatever it is that the universe wants me to
figure out, I need to find the answer asap because I don’t want to be stuck in
limbo forever. Omg, I’ve been in this
rut for sooooo long it’s really time for move on in life.
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