Should I make a compromise with my childhood “friend”?

    Ah, what’s the use?  I mean, she even admits that my sister puts me down a lot and I was thinking, “What!  You knew what was going on this whole time and never bothered to help me out and defend me?”  But, I knew it’s no use saying that to my “friend” because she would probably won’t give me a direct answer and would side with my sister before she would even be on my side.  You know, for once I would like to my childhood “friend” stick up for me against my sister instead of not speaking up and saying that she’s in the middle and doesn’t want to get involved or help my sister insult me just for the hell of it.  God, I’m so sick of this abusive, sick, twisted, toxic friendship with my childhood “friend”.  I really need to get out of this abusive relationship/friendship because it's really not healthy for me to keep my emotions bottled up this whole time.  Just look at me, Anita…at the rate I’m going health-wise…I just might die early due to a physical or emotional problem.  One of my good friends told me that I totally need to stop worrying because she saw this article online that people who stress a lot die early of cancer.  When she told me that, I was freaked out and convinced that I totally need to stop stressing out so easily.  However, I totally need to eliminate as much of the toxic relationships in my life, in order to live a more healthy and balanced life emotionally and physically.

    I’m just sick and tired of my sister and childhood “friend” taking out their anger at me especially my sister and then later on shower me with gifts as a form of an apology for the shitty things she said to me.  You know, it still hurts when Alice called me, “Shut up, you useless piece of shit!”  I can’t believe my own sister would call me that and that she never apologized for saying that to me.  My mom and aunt just apologized for her and said that to just ignore her and that she’s probably stressed out from work and school.  I can’t believe my own sister won’t even apologize for something terrible like that.  It’s no wonder that my sister would later shower me gifts like going to Seattle and the Lion King tickets for birthday celebrations.  Now that I think of it, I bet she’s trying to make up for the shitty things she said to me the previous months before.  Damn, and I’m going on a Disneyland trip with them this summer too for my childhood “friend’s” late birthday celebration.  I have to go because the tickets are already booked.  Sigh, what am I going to do?  I really need to speak up again before the trip otherwise I will feel shitty afterwards.  I have a feeling that they are going to say something or do something shitty to me if I don’t speak up again and tell them how I feel.

    I do not want to be Alice’s personal punching bag anymore.  If she wants to take out her anger on someone it better be someone or something else other than me.  I really need to stand up for myself against the mean people in my life.