Right place, wrong timing….again!!!!

Like omg, what a day for fate to choose the right place and wrong timing again!!!  Sigh, I can’t believe it, I actually saw him again at Balboa Park Bart Station today!!!  I actually trusted my intuition for once (which has been awhile since I trusted myself) and that’s how I was able to see him again.  I was waiting on the platform for the train to arrive, I was going to go to the left of the platform and go in that section of the train but something told me (which I think is my intuition) to stay at that spot that I was originally standing at waiting for the train.  Anyways, as I was waiting for the crowd of people to come out of the train station, I was quickly going in the train and that’s when I saw him coming out of the train!!!  He wasn’t looking at my direction but I somehow was able to see him and was thinking fast is that who I think that is?  I had to look at him a second time as he was leaving the train, I wanted to call out his name and see if that was really him but couldn’t because I just chicken out.  As I was sitting down, I thought to myself omg, that was really him and that I thought to myself omg, like why did I have to see him today of all days?  I looked myself in the window’s reflection and thought to myself omg, I look terrible especially since I was wearing sweat clothes for the gym and that I still did not lose all the weight yet.  My hair looks terrible since it was in a messy ponytail and wearing a headband because my bangs were getting too long.  Oh yeah, and my skin complexion is a lot darker than I was back in high school.  I’ve been wanting to friend him on facebook but I can’t seem to have the nerve to do it because I’m a big chicken.  I have no choice but to swallow my pride and see if he will reject me or not.  This is so stupid that I’ve been neglecting my feelings about him after all these years.  My therapist is right, I need to start trusting myself again, I haven’t done that in a long time ever since…my illnesses occurred back in high school.  Sara is also right that I still have insecurity issues about myself.  Both of them are right about me, I really need to learn to love myself and be my own best friend.  Sigh, I’ve been my own worst enemy for so many years now.  This year is definitely the year that I transform myself.  If not physically at least emotionally. I guess it was another missed opportunity that something could’ve happen.  Sigh, I could’ve seen him last year but never did because other circumstances.  I guess I’m still not ready, until then I’ll just start being my own best friend and start loving and accepting myself.